Isaiah 53:5

Last night, at the end of my day from hell, I had a very interesting moment as I drifted off to sleep. I was reviewing my day, and though I didn't dwell on specific comments my mother had made, I certainly was replaying the experience. It's like a Tivo in my head, and, thank God, it was on mute.

What made it interesting was as my mom made her comments, there was a split-screen going on, and the other side was "The Passion of the Christ." It was the flogging scene. With each of her comments, the whip tore through more of His skin. Immediately the phrase from Isaiah 53 came to mind, almost as though it had been spoken. Then, before I had a chance to ponder this, I was asleep, and I slept soundly.

I do not know what this will accomplish in me. Maybe it already has. Today I was a little sad about Leo, but otherwise I was totally ok, and not depressed or anything. I was surprised at that all morning. I completely forgot about this experience until my small group tonight. I was able to report on the mom situation at both of my meetings today without being overtaken by emotion, so maybe...

I feel bad being a bit cynical about this, but I have wanted that verse to be real for so long. I have longed for healing for as long as I've known I had the sickness. As Tevye says, "Send us the cure; we've got the sickness already." But so many times I have thought He wasn't going to come through for me and He did. Maybe it is finally time. Maybe now I will begin to heal.

I am convinced that this healing has to happen independent of my parents growing up. I cannot wait for them, nor can I approach them well when I myself am so broken. I have waited. I have asked, begged and pleaded for God to make me well. I know that ultimately only He can. I have often wondered if He will. It is slow. Sometimes I doubt that it will happen. That moment last night felt like a promise.

With his stripes we are healed.