What New Devilry is This?
Tuesday was a great day. Monday was even ok. Now I am back in turmoil and uncertainty. Oh how I wish I could just be stable and trust that all will be well. This concept is eluding me at the moment.
While my homeroom was in Spanish, I heard a rumor (I HATE gossip) that there is only going to be one 6th grade class next year. My guess is they think they're going to move one of us down to 4th grade since that one is so up in the air right now. Now, me teaching 4th grade would not be a pretty picture, but if they move Kelly, that means I'm on my own up here. I hope I'm wrong. I hope the information is wrong or the admin changes their minds before September. I hope... But Kelly doesn't seem to be doing well today either, so I have to wonder. I hate this. It seems to me, though, that if they have such plans in the works, they should be informing both of us. Kelly had or will have a meeting with them today, and I think that's what's messing her up. When will it be my turn, then? Thus my personal chaos.
I have three students in tears and sniffles, and one of them is furious with me. He, fortunately, is in the office. I really hate doing that. I REALLY hate it. I feel so awful knowing that I am partly responsible for these tears. These kids, however, made the choices that led to them being sent to the office.
After the horrid pre-recess business, the other class came in. Mrs. Goytia came again today to quiz the kids on the notes she gave them Tuesday. The class in question finally realized that this arrangement has not been for the other class, but once they caught on that they were doing the same amount of work, it was ok with them. One, though, muttered that it was especially good because it meant they had Mrs. Goytia instead of me teaching them. He said it with such an attitude, and he just kept going in that direction the entire time I had him. By the time they left for lunch, I was about to cry. It was cutting, and the kids who heard him knew it.
After they left, I went to the office and talked to the principal. She told me to send him down. I did, as soon as I picked them up from lunch. I sent two others as well, but they went for horseplay that could have resulted in injury. And now I have three... no, five in tears. One of the other two is crying because her friends are crying. The other one is dealing with his own stuff. I don't know.
*********************************
That stretch after lunch seemed like it would never end. I went to the office, hid, and just collapsed on a chair. I wish I had a friend here. Of course, that made me think of Leo, which upset me even more.
Shannon, a 1st grade teacher, found me in the office when I was hiding and said, "It sucks caring so much." Boy does it. These kids are 12. I'm here to teach them, yes, but I KNOW the kind of impact teachers can have, for good or ill, and I hate that today might live on in their memories. I desperately want them to know how special they are, and I really don't want to damage their hearts. They're 12, for heaven's sake. This age is not fun, and stuff that happens now can stay with them a long time. That scares me.
In all this, when I talked to Mrs. N. about the boy, she did affirm that I'm doing my job. That was helpful. I think it was the only remotely good thing so far today.
While my homeroom was in Spanish, I heard a rumor (I HATE gossip) that there is only going to be one 6th grade class next year. My guess is they think they're going to move one of us down to 4th grade since that one is so up in the air right now. Now, me teaching 4th grade would not be a pretty picture, but if they move Kelly, that means I'm on my own up here. I hope I'm wrong. I hope the information is wrong or the admin changes their minds before September. I hope... But Kelly doesn't seem to be doing well today either, so I have to wonder. I hate this. It seems to me, though, that if they have such plans in the works, they should be informing both of us. Kelly had or will have a meeting with them today, and I think that's what's messing her up. When will it be my turn, then? Thus my personal chaos.
I have three students in tears and sniffles, and one of them is furious with me. He, fortunately, is in the office. I really hate doing that. I REALLY hate it. I feel so awful knowing that I am partly responsible for these tears. These kids, however, made the choices that led to them being sent to the office.
After the horrid pre-recess business, the other class came in. Mrs. Goytia came again today to quiz the kids on the notes she gave them Tuesday. The class in question finally realized that this arrangement has not been for the other class, but once they caught on that they were doing the same amount of work, it was ok with them. One, though, muttered that it was especially good because it meant they had Mrs. Goytia instead of me teaching them. He said it with such an attitude, and he just kept going in that direction the entire time I had him. By the time they left for lunch, I was about to cry. It was cutting, and the kids who heard him knew it.
After they left, I went to the office and talked to the principal. She told me to send him down. I did, as soon as I picked them up from lunch. I sent two others as well, but they went for horseplay that could have resulted in injury. And now I have three... no, five in tears. One of the other two is crying because her friends are crying. The other one is dealing with his own stuff. I don't know.
*********************************
That stretch after lunch seemed like it would never end. I went to the office, hid, and just collapsed on a chair. I wish I had a friend here. Of course, that made me think of Leo, which upset me even more.
Shannon, a 1st grade teacher, found me in the office when I was hiding and said, "It sucks caring so much." Boy does it. These kids are 12. I'm here to teach them, yes, but I KNOW the kind of impact teachers can have, for good or ill, and I hate that today might live on in their memories. I desperately want them to know how special they are, and I really don't want to damage their hearts. They're 12, for heaven's sake. This age is not fun, and stuff that happens now can stay with them a long time. That scares me.
In all this, when I talked to Mrs. N. about the boy, she did affirm that I'm doing my job. That was helpful. I think it was the only remotely good thing so far today.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
2:10 PM
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