壞了
Chinese class was in the language lab last night. Laoshi (teacher) paired us up, and the lab tech set us up to record a dialog. Well, I figured no problem. I can read pinyin (letter spelled Chinese) just fine, and the book gives us the pinyin.
Not so much.
She had us practice a couple times with the pinyin. But for the recording, we turned a few pages to where there was no pinyin. Yeah. Characters only. Last week was spring break. Before that we learned a mess of new characters. And no, I didn't study quite as much as I should have.
When she said those words "Without pinyin," my breathing sped up. I was scared. She had paired me with a guy who thinks that because he speaks Chinese he doesn't need to pay attention. He's a bit of a jerk too. I got even more scared. The breathing sped up and got more shallow. I tried to calm down enough to get through the recording. Four or five characters tripped me up, but I managed. But my gosh, as soon as the recording was over.
It hit. There was the elephant. I tried the breathing exercise that Counselor gave me. In-2-3-4. I pulled out my handy prayer beads. Hold-2-3-4. They helped me count and pray. Out-2-3-4. Laoshi looked at me. Her eyes got really big. In-2-3-4. She made a comment on my appearance. Hold-2-3-4. I'm sure I looked a mess. Out-2-3-4. It never got to be an out of control panic attack complete with shaking and delirium, but boy did it get close. Laoshi was kind enough to leave me alone the rest of the class, so I didn't have to try to think. It was all I could do to keep breathing.
On the way home, I got soup. This was the first one in over a week, which is good. I remembered to breathe. I kept it under control. It took another hour or so before I could breathe normally, but I got there.
One day, I'll be free.
Not so much.
She had us practice a couple times with the pinyin. But for the recording, we turned a few pages to where there was no pinyin. Yeah. Characters only. Last week was spring break. Before that we learned a mess of new characters. And no, I didn't study quite as much as I should have.
When she said those words "Without pinyin," my breathing sped up. I was scared. She had paired me with a guy who thinks that because he speaks Chinese he doesn't need to pay attention. He's a bit of a jerk too. I got even more scared. The breathing sped up and got more shallow. I tried to calm down enough to get through the recording. Four or five characters tripped me up, but I managed. But my gosh, as soon as the recording was over.
It hit. There was the elephant. I tried the breathing exercise that Counselor gave me. In-2-3-4. I pulled out my handy prayer beads. Hold-2-3-4. They helped me count and pray. Out-2-3-4. Laoshi looked at me. Her eyes got really big. In-2-3-4. She made a comment on my appearance. Hold-2-3-4. I'm sure I looked a mess. Out-2-3-4. It never got to be an out of control panic attack complete with shaking and delirium, but boy did it get close. Laoshi was kind enough to leave me alone the rest of the class, so I didn't have to try to think. It was all I could do to keep breathing.
On the way home, I got soup. This was the first one in over a week, which is good. I remembered to breathe. I kept it under control. It took another hour or so before I could breathe normally, but I got there.
One day, I'll be free.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
8:41 AM
4 Comments:
Da*n that elephant!
Hugs and prayers, Spidey. It's good that you have a way to beat that heffalump into behavior. I know that this must have been hard.
It's also good to have a sensitive teacher. It's good to be able to get soup on the way home.
i knew those prayer beads should have been long enough to strangle an elephant......
I love you!
peace,
we'll try to fix up a trap for heffalumps, so they cant' come and bully you any more.
Glad that you were more victor than vanquished this time...
Hugs and prayers xx
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