Secret Identities
Most people who know me know that I have a lot of alter egos. Even here, just in this blog, I am Ella, Sam, and Spider (or spidey). Sometimes I think I have a different name from every person who knows me. Little Brother calls me Seester, Pastor calls me Kiddo, and my great-uncle Ray used to call me Broccoli. I have gone through three screen names and several identities in chat, I have three AIM screen names, and my MSN currently shows me as 白利思, the current of my two Chinese names.
The question, though, is this. Behind all my various names, who am I? What is the elusive secret identity? And the answer is... I'm not sure. This counseling/medication adventure is a journey of discovery for all of us.
You see, I don't remember "before" anymore. I was only ten when this started, so "before" was not well developed. So as I wade through the muck and mire of those shadowy recesses, I won't just be becoming who I am, I'll be learning who I am really.
I don't think the difference will be dramatic, honestly. Ok, I may feel dramatically different, but I don't think who I essentially am will be any huge surprise. Except possibly to me, for I know all my issues well, but I have a huge blind spot to the good points that my friends see.
On week four (day 22) now, and the difference is noticeable. I have only had one panic attack since Counselor gave me those strategies, and I managed to keep that one under control. I have more energy and less inertia. I have gone outside just to go outside. And day 17 seems to have been an anomaly, for my pants do still fit. (whew!) I am less frightened of the process itself and more hopeful.
I think I'm finally getting somewhere, and I have to say it's good to be moving.
The question, though, is this. Behind all my various names, who am I? What is the elusive secret identity? And the answer is... I'm not sure. This counseling/medication adventure is a journey of discovery for all of us.
You see, I don't remember "before" anymore. I was only ten when this started, so "before" was not well developed. So as I wade through the muck and mire of those shadowy recesses, I won't just be becoming who I am, I'll be learning who I am really.
I don't think the difference will be dramatic, honestly. Ok, I may feel dramatically different, but I don't think who I essentially am will be any huge surprise. Except possibly to me, for I know all my issues well, but I have a huge blind spot to the good points that my friends see.
On week four (day 22) now, and the difference is noticeable. I have only had one panic attack since Counselor gave me those strategies, and I managed to keep that one under control. I have more energy and less inertia. I have gone outside just to go outside. And day 17 seems to have been an anomaly, for my pants do still fit. (whew!) I am less frightened of the process itself and more hopeful.
I think I'm finally getting somewhere, and I have to say it's good to be moving.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
9:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home