She Said
She said I'm allowed to be on my side and recognize good in me.
She said I am going to learn to accept that it exists.
She said that it isn't hopeless. It's a long road, but I'll get there.
She said that I need to take off a piece of that cat o' nine that I use to virtually beat myself up.
So here I am, sitting with my cat o' eight, contemplating what she said. As each of these came up, I had to struggle to accept them. I knew I ought to, because they came in slantways and were undeniably true by the time they were presented. But there are so many noises that keep me from being able to really accept.
It is ingrained for me to criticize myself. It is ingrained to see all the bad, and there is hardly any frame of reference or room for much else. Even the good that is recognized is just evidence that I ought to be better than I am. She said it takes ten positives to balance out every negative, and I have an ocean of negatives that have accumulated over time.
All that said, the way the last few weeks have gone, I am able to believe that there is hope. And that feels good.
She said I am going to learn to accept that it exists.
She said that it isn't hopeless. It's a long road, but I'll get there.
She said that I need to take off a piece of that cat o' nine that I use to virtually beat myself up.
So here I am, sitting with my cat o' eight, contemplating what she said. As each of these came up, I had to struggle to accept them. I knew I ought to, because they came in slantways and were undeniably true by the time they were presented. But there are so many noises that keep me from being able to really accept.
It is ingrained for me to criticize myself. It is ingrained to see all the bad, and there is hardly any frame of reference or room for much else. Even the good that is recognized is just evidence that I ought to be better than I am. She said it takes ten positives to balance out every negative, and I have an ocean of negatives that have accumulated over time.
All that said, the way the last few weeks have gone, I am able to believe that there is hope. And that feels good.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
10:13 PM
1 Comments:
Oh, spider!
How I can empathize with having a default mode of negative thoughts. I still struggle, but I have gotten better with time, and all of the work and pain is so much worth it to be able to see yourself as even a fraction as good as others see you. Your work now is not in vain -- it is God's desire that you might get a glimpse of the fearfully and wonderfully made being that is you :) HUGS
Tracy
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