Spider Status Report
Friday night, and I've been fighting off panic since Wednesday morning. My joints are a complete disaster from both the spastic weather and the emotions. And to go with the panic I haven't allowed, I've been on constant puke warning.
Today I hid in book four of a rather amazing series. I ate rice for lunch, hoping not to add to the nausea. It didn't work. An hour after I got home I thought I was finally done in and, expecting a recurrence of dinner, headed upstairs. Next thing I knew, it was 8:30 and I'd taken a two hour nap.
I can't walk. I can barely eat. I could probably use a good cry, but as usual, I can't find any tears. Course, I'd be crying alone anyway, so really, what's the point?
Monday. I need it and I dread it. I dread what I may find out about my job. I need to find out so I know how to proceed. I need counseling, and I am scared of what may turn up there. Thank God for Counselor. She herself is not scary, amazingly, and at least counseling will be good. But it'll be hard.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to kick something. I want to amputate my legs. I want to feel something other than worthless. Oh, and could I skip this weekend, too?
Can something please go right?
I need a hug. A real one.
Today I hid in book four of a rather amazing series. I ate rice for lunch, hoping not to add to the nausea. It didn't work. An hour after I got home I thought I was finally done in and, expecting a recurrence of dinner, headed upstairs. Next thing I knew, it was 8:30 and I'd taken a two hour nap.
I can't walk. I can barely eat. I could probably use a good cry, but as usual, I can't find any tears. Course, I'd be crying alone anyway, so really, what's the point?
Monday. I need it and I dread it. I dread what I may find out about my job. I need to find out so I know how to proceed. I need counseling, and I am scared of what may turn up there. Thank God for Counselor. She herself is not scary, amazingly, and at least counseling will be good. But it'll be hard.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to kick something. I want to amputate my legs. I want to feel something other than worthless. Oh, and could I skip this weekend, too?
Can something please go right?
I need a hug. A real one.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
9:21 PM
2 Comments:
me too, spidey, me too.
if only wishing and needing could make it so.
all i can give you is
((((((hug hug hug))))))))
Oy!! Spidey, breathe and pray and remember you are loved... ::hug hug hug:: Here's hoping it's good news. If it isn't, we'll figure out something else to do... ;)
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