Always Faithful
A discouraging day in the world of job-search (and in general) and A.W. Tozer's chapter on God's faithfulness gives rise to the need to look back. How has God been faithful?
1. A year ago, I was desperate to spend time with my best friend, and somehow it worked out for me to get to China. It was a healing trip, and for several reasons, I know that I was able to pull that trip off because God was in it, and I know God met me there in many ways.
2. As soon as I got back from China, I landed in an odd little community that has challenged and encouraged me through a very rough year. I never expected this, and while online friendships are not exactly ideal (faces are helpful), they are better than nothing, and several of these friendships have become far better than I could have anticipated.
3. When Becki made her decision about renewing her contract, I was filled with the sense that this was without question the right decision. It certainly didn't erase the incredible grieving that followed, but at least I had the assurance that Tianjin is where God has her for now.
4. Just before Christmas, I was as broke as broke could be. Just before Christmas, escrow closed on the refi that we were going through for the condo. I managed to get my bills back under control, and two months later, with my tax refund, I was able to pay off the last of my college loans.
5. I was not teaching in a classroom when the panic attacks hit. Instead, I was the librarian with a lot of down time on my hands with which to face said attacks. I had people who could remind me to breathe, who reminded me that the world was not, in fact, coming to an end and I was going to live to see another day.
6. Through a very strange series of events, I ended up with a counselor who is absolutely perfect for me. She doesn't let me cop out of anything, but she doesn't push me more than I can handle either. She lets me snark at her, and she snarks right back. She asks hard questions, refuses to give easy answers, refuses to take easy answers, and lets me tell her she sucks. From day one it has been abundantly clear that God's hand was in this meeting.
7. The roommate that wasn't planning to stay past November 2005 is still here in June 2006. Thus, I have not needed to find a new roommate or worry about where half the mortgage payment was coming from. July is provided for, so I have a month to find either a roommate or a killer paycheck. Maybe both. But I'm not stuck with a few days to find someone. It's not a crisis.
8. Again, not a moment too soon, Becki finished school for the summer, and she came home. I don't get to keep her, since her family and friends are rather scattered, but she's been here. We've had great conversations, some hard conversations, but real face-to-face friendship. She brings to light parts of who I am that no one else has found, and she challenges me to grow in ways that I need. Her friendship has always been evidence of God's faithfulness, and this summer is no exception. Sometimes she drives me mad, but that's unavoidable in such close relationships. She's my sister, and I'm thankful for her. Yes, even when she drives me crazy. *grin*
9. As broke as broke can be again, I went to Arizona last week. I got to live on the generosity of my second parents for a few days, I made bank at the blackjack tables (enough to live on for a little while), and Dad 2 and I have made arrangements for me to get more of my refi money to get me back on track financially.
10. My final paycheck from the school will be August 20th. Again, no immediate crisis here.
I guess now I'm waiting for this faithfulness to come through in the form of some sort of employment or something. I'll let you know when that happens.
1. A year ago, I was desperate to spend time with my best friend, and somehow it worked out for me to get to China. It was a healing trip, and for several reasons, I know that I was able to pull that trip off because God was in it, and I know God met me there in many ways.
2. As soon as I got back from China, I landed in an odd little community that has challenged and encouraged me through a very rough year. I never expected this, and while online friendships are not exactly ideal (faces are helpful), they are better than nothing, and several of these friendships have become far better than I could have anticipated.
3. When Becki made her decision about renewing her contract, I was filled with the sense that this was without question the right decision. It certainly didn't erase the incredible grieving that followed, but at least I had the assurance that Tianjin is where God has her for now.
4. Just before Christmas, I was as broke as broke could be. Just before Christmas, escrow closed on the refi that we were going through for the condo. I managed to get my bills back under control, and two months later, with my tax refund, I was able to pay off the last of my college loans.
5. I was not teaching in a classroom when the panic attacks hit. Instead, I was the librarian with a lot of down time on my hands with which to face said attacks. I had people who could remind me to breathe, who reminded me that the world was not, in fact, coming to an end and I was going to live to see another day.
6. Through a very strange series of events, I ended up with a counselor who is absolutely perfect for me. She doesn't let me cop out of anything, but she doesn't push me more than I can handle either. She lets me snark at her, and she snarks right back. She asks hard questions, refuses to give easy answers, refuses to take easy answers, and lets me tell her she sucks. From day one it has been abundantly clear that God's hand was in this meeting.
7. The roommate that wasn't planning to stay past November 2005 is still here in June 2006. Thus, I have not needed to find a new roommate or worry about where half the mortgage payment was coming from. July is provided for, so I have a month to find either a roommate or a killer paycheck. Maybe both. But I'm not stuck with a few days to find someone. It's not a crisis.
8. Again, not a moment too soon, Becki finished school for the summer, and she came home. I don't get to keep her, since her family and friends are rather scattered, but she's been here. We've had great conversations, some hard conversations, but real face-to-face friendship. She brings to light parts of who I am that no one else has found, and she challenges me to grow in ways that I need. Her friendship has always been evidence of God's faithfulness, and this summer is no exception. Sometimes she drives me mad, but that's unavoidable in such close relationships. She's my sister, and I'm thankful for her. Yes, even when she drives me crazy. *grin*
9. As broke as broke can be again, I went to Arizona last week. I got to live on the generosity of my second parents for a few days, I made bank at the blackjack tables (enough to live on for a little while), and Dad 2 and I have made arrangements for me to get more of my refi money to get me back on track financially.
10. My final paycheck from the school will be August 20th. Again, no immediate crisis here.
I guess now I'm waiting for this faithfulness to come through in the form of some sort of employment or something. I'll let you know when that happens.
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
4:39 PM
2 Comments:
God is in all this with you, but His plan is revealed in His own time -- that is what is so scary about change. I am glad that you have been so open with us through all of the changes you have been through this year. My life is better because you are a part of it, even though we have never met face to face.
*HUGS*
Tracy
you know how in "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" there's this horrid image of God throwing sinners into hell like a guy flicking spiders into the fire? (I always hated that image and it is a big part of why I'm a universalist.) Anyway, now I have this picture of God holding a little spider ever-so-tenderly in his hand and protecting and guiding it...
Sparks
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