Mission Improbable

After church, I saw my friend Mary. She was on the Russia team this year. It was her third trip. She had something for me. She had a little gift bag, and in it a stuffed duck. She pulled out the duck.

Luba told me to give this to you. She said, "Make sure you tell her that the duck is sad because she isn't here."

And that's when it finally hit. I had been ok about this for months, but after what Mary said... I mimed yanking my heart out, throwing it to the floor and repeatedly stomping on it. Mary nodded. I saw Anthony. I saw Doug. I saw John. It was when I saw John that the tears came. Then Lina told me that they have a book for me. Yura finally got his poetry published!

No. No, no, no. I'm tired of no. Last summer it was no for Russia and Thailand. This summer it was no for Russia again. Church started with the announcement of a trip to Kenya coming in January. Kenya! I've wanted to go to that area of the world since I was seven years old. I want to go, but I'm so scared I'll get another no. I'm afraid to even hope for this. No job, no Becki, no trips. No is getting very loud, and right now it has me. I think I'm going to cry again.