Big Ideas
The last few days have pushed me in a direction I wasn't expecting. No worries. This isn't a bad thing. Just... unexpected.
Wednesday was very very hard. I can't go into the circumstances, and I'm not convinced the situation is what made it a hard day.
Counseling on Thursday was interesting. It was one of those days where I got there and immediately knew we weren't gonna get to the book. That was ok. It was a good time of talking through things. I think I learned a little. And then there was a Wizard of Oz moment.
Remember at the end when Toto pulled the curtain to reveal the actual Wizard? Ok, it was kinda like that, but flip-flopped. The real Wizard of Oz turned out to be far less impressive than anyone thought. But Thursday, the curtain got pulled back a little, and my experience of God as a Passive Observer got blown to bits.
I spent most of Friday feeling like I'd had the wind knocked out of me by a cosmic 2x4. That was on fire. Or maybe a bowling ball comet. Whatever. I was overwhelmed. I was close to tears. I was desperate for someone to talk to, but I couldn't find words for what I was feeling. Still can't.
Then today happened. I met with SM, cause it's Saturday, and I was telling her about the week... Next thing I knew, Toto was pulling back the curtain again.
These ideas flying through my head are too big for words right now. I am Sam, at the point where he begins to understand the reality that Strider is actually Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. What a heavy realization!
Patrick, you were right. About a whole lot. All those thoughts on depth and prayer...
These things are way beyond me. I'm feeling very very small because what I've just walked into is so very immeasurably vast.
I am utterly terrified, but I can't wait to see what happens next!
Wednesday was very very hard. I can't go into the circumstances, and I'm not convinced the situation is what made it a hard day.
Counseling on Thursday was interesting. It was one of those days where I got there and immediately knew we weren't gonna get to the book. That was ok. It was a good time of talking through things. I think I learned a little. And then there was a Wizard of Oz moment.
Remember at the end when Toto pulled the curtain to reveal the actual Wizard? Ok, it was kinda like that, but flip-flopped. The real Wizard of Oz turned out to be far less impressive than anyone thought. But Thursday, the curtain got pulled back a little, and my experience of God as a Passive Observer got blown to bits.
I spent most of Friday feeling like I'd had the wind knocked out of me by a cosmic 2x4. That was on fire. Or maybe a bowling ball comet. Whatever. I was overwhelmed. I was close to tears. I was desperate for someone to talk to, but I couldn't find words for what I was feeling. Still can't.
Then today happened. I met with SM, cause it's Saturday, and I was telling her about the week... Next thing I knew, Toto was pulling back the curtain again.
These ideas flying through my head are too big for words right now. I am Sam, at the point where he begins to understand the reality that Strider is actually Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. What a heavy realization!
Patrick, you were right. About a whole lot. All those thoughts on depth and prayer...
These things are way beyond me. I'm feeling very very small because what I've just walked into is so very immeasurably vast.
I am utterly terrified, but I can't wait to see what happens next!
Labels: Becoming Orthodox
posted by The Other Gatekeeper at
1:15 PM
4 Comments:
Tis a long wait, but a gift when it comes.
Congrats. You've certainly earned a breather.
Oh, and you have no idea how much of an encouragement this is to me.
Yay!! God works!!
I read this and then glance at some posts back in the archives. It is an amazing road you travel and you are walking it well. Go Spidey.
It may have nothing to do with what your experience was but I can't help thinking of Isaiah and his vision when I read, "I'm feeling very very small because what I've just walked into is so very immeasurably vast." This is powerful.
PastorBluejeans
I like those Wizard of Oz moments in reverse. Keep the curtain open, Spidey.
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