8.20
I tried to not care. I tried to let this day, this week, go by without notice. I really tried.
I failed.
I don't remember what it was, but something this morning had me checking today's date, and there it was, staring back at me. Accusing.
August 20th.
Six hours east of here, a man who used to be my other dad is celebrating his birthday.
It's probably true that much of the emotion today is because I was already feeling generally crappy and tired, but there is still guilt. It's irrational, I know. I'm doing what I need to do to be healthy. Right? Of course, right! But I can't shake this feeling. (Feelings sometimes lie, Counselor says.)
And, wow, if I'm doing this well today, I can't wait to see me on Thursday when his daughter turns thirty.
*kicks the nearest wall*
I failed.
I don't remember what it was, but something this morning had me checking today's date, and there it was, staring back at me. Accusing.
August 20th.
Six hours east of here, a man who used to be my other dad is celebrating his birthday.
It's probably true that much of the emotion today is because I was already feeling generally crappy and tired, but there is still guilt. It's irrational, I know. I'm doing what I need to do to be healthy. Right? Of course, right! But I can't shake this feeling. (Feelings sometimes lie, Counselor says.)
And, wow, if I'm doing this well today, I can't wait to see me on Thursday when his daughter turns thirty.
*kicks the nearest wall*
Labels: Birthdays
posted by Sam Gamgee at
1:51 PM
2 Comments:
One of the things I'm learning in counseling is that I can't feel guilty because of the actions of others.
I don't know the situation here but I hope that helps.
God Bless.
BT
Agree with BT. There's a place for mourning. But all we can do is be who we are. If that's not enough... well, we just have to keep being who we are and trust that's enough for God.
Plus, keep in mind the nice things that have happened this past year. God brought newness into your life.
But, yeah, there is a place for mourning.
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