Processing

I was processing last night as I drove home from small group. I was thinking about when I asked Counselor, "What's left?" I mean, really. But then I thought about what a long time coming the Orthodox thing has been. I have no idea where this is going to take me, but somehow I know it's what I've been looking for for a very long time. And there's so much else. I'm sane (relatively), I actually like myself (what is that???), I'm finally not completely stuck in absolutely every area of my life, and there's The Boy. And I realized something. I realized that I have everything I ever really wanted. I still think it sucks that I had to lose everything I had before. Especially the church. But that change is already turning out better than I anticipated on so many levels, even though oh my gosh it hurts. Then I surprised myself with another thought. All of this, if it gets me to where I need to be, then it's all worth it. If depression and panic attacks and all the losses last year and even having to leave the church is what it takes to make me who I'm supposed to be, then ok. It sucks, but I can't think of anything more important than... well, she said I'm obeying God, and I guess that's probably true. And that is priority one. Plus, it beats getting whacked with a celestial 2x4. ;)

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