40 Days (And Then Some)
I find myself standing with my feet firmly planted in two separate worlds. While most of my friends and family are preparing in one way or another for Easter later this month, the Orthodox Church doesn't even start Lent until March 10. My mom will expect me to come over for Easter. That will be an odd experience, even if I take into account that it is my family. Easter for them will be a month and change before Easter for me. For once, I am fairly grateful that holidays in my family are in reality not much more than their fully secularized forms. This should not produce in me a time warp whiplash.
I have to be honest here. The last few weeks have been fairly intense. I'm now meeting with Father Patrick once a week so that I can learn some more of the things I need to learn. I told him that if he assumes I know nothing, he wouldn't be far off, so we're starting from the beginning. Some of these ideas are fascinating. It's so good to know there are actual explanations for religious type issues I've had over the years.
I've often said that I just don't get these church seasons. I think I'm starting to understand, now. This is not on a level I can explain, but things are certainly becoming more meaningful to me. It hit me on Monday. People give things up for Lent, right? That never made sense to me. It always seemed rather arbitrary and therefore not particularly meaningful. In my mind, it was much like New Year's resolutions. Well, let me tell you. The Orthodox Church doesn't mess around! Lent is seriously hardcore. And for whatever reason, it is not looking as daunting to me as I expected it to. What I find really interesting, though, is that something is finally making sense. I wish I could line up the right words in the right order to really explain this. (I'll keep trying!)
Lent starts on Monday. This is going to be an intense time, I can already tell. Not only because of the Orthodox approach to Lent. This is going to be intense because of what's ahead for me specifically. I've been told to prepare for confession. And I found out on Monday that I will be baptized next month.
Whoa. Time out! Confession? Yeah. Can't say I'm thrilled about that. Partly because, well, eek. Partly because I grew up Protestant. I have a lot of years of training saying this is exactly not how it should be done. Still, some part of me is fairly sure this is in fact a good plan. It's just having a good bit of difficulty convincing the rest of me! This is completely new territory. At least he gave me some questions to work with, so it's not like I have to figure this thing out on my own.
Baptism. I have been looking forward to this for months. It's a little unnerving, though. Somehow I had the impression that I'd be a catechumen for a while. I didn't really know what the timeline would be, but I wasn't expecting to be baptized at Pascha! That's, like, really soon. It's exciting.
It's also a wee bit frightening. I mean, this is huge! This is WAY bigger than the baptism when I was twelve. For one thing, just like anything else that means anything, that was viewed as being merely symbolic. In the Orthodox Church, baptism (and just about everything else "symbolic") is viewed as a mystery, something we cannot fully understand, because while we experience it with the senses, there is something else going on that is simply beyond what the five senses can apprehend, because it is happening in the spiritual, rather than the natural, realm.
Anyway, baptism. It's happening, folks. Suddenly the enormity of what I've gotten myself into is right there in front of me. Be careful what you wish for, indeed. I've always wished for something deeper. I've known for the last six months that this is what I've been looking for so long, but now that I'm here, I feel like I might drown in it. This makes me laugh, in a way, because the picture I immediately got as I typed that was of Anne Shirley scooping the mouse out of the plum pudding sauce and declaring that it was a romantic way to die, for a mouse.
So, for the three of you who plan to show up, it'll be Saturday, April 26. I'll post more information as it becomes available.
I have to be honest here. The last few weeks have been fairly intense. I'm now meeting with Father Patrick once a week so that I can learn some more of the things I need to learn. I told him that if he assumes I know nothing, he wouldn't be far off, so we're starting from the beginning. Some of these ideas are fascinating. It's so good to know there are actual explanations for religious type issues I've had over the years.
I've often said that I just don't get these church seasons. I think I'm starting to understand, now. This is not on a level I can explain, but things are certainly becoming more meaningful to me. It hit me on Monday. People give things up for Lent, right? That never made sense to me. It always seemed rather arbitrary and therefore not particularly meaningful. In my mind, it was much like New Year's resolutions. Well, let me tell you. The Orthodox Church doesn't mess around! Lent is seriously hardcore. And for whatever reason, it is not looking as daunting to me as I expected it to. What I find really interesting, though, is that something is finally making sense. I wish I could line up the right words in the right order to really explain this. (I'll keep trying!)
Lent starts on Monday. This is going to be an intense time, I can already tell. Not only because of the Orthodox approach to Lent. This is going to be intense because of what's ahead for me specifically. I've been told to prepare for confession. And I found out on Monday that I will be baptized next month.
Whoa. Time out! Confession? Yeah. Can't say I'm thrilled about that. Partly because, well, eek. Partly because I grew up Protestant. I have a lot of years of training saying this is exactly not how it should be done. Still, some part of me is fairly sure this is in fact a good plan. It's just having a good bit of difficulty convincing the rest of me! This is completely new territory. At least he gave me some questions to work with, so it's not like I have to figure this thing out on my own.
Baptism. I have been looking forward to this for months. It's a little unnerving, though. Somehow I had the impression that I'd be a catechumen for a while. I didn't really know what the timeline would be, but I wasn't expecting to be baptized at Pascha! That's, like, really soon. It's exciting.
It's also a wee bit frightening. I mean, this is huge! This is WAY bigger than the baptism when I was twelve. For one thing, just like anything else that means anything, that was viewed as being merely symbolic. In the Orthodox Church, baptism (and just about everything else "symbolic") is viewed as a mystery, something we cannot fully understand, because while we experience it with the senses, there is something else going on that is simply beyond what the five senses can apprehend, because it is happening in the spiritual, rather than the natural, realm.
Anyway, baptism. It's happening, folks. Suddenly the enormity of what I've gotten myself into is right there in front of me. Be careful what you wish for, indeed. I've always wished for something deeper. I've known for the last six months that this is what I've been looking for so long, but now that I'm here, I feel like I might drown in it. This makes me laugh, in a way, because the picture I immediately got as I typed that was of Anne Shirley scooping the mouse out of the plum pudding sauce and declaring that it was a romantic way to die, for a mouse.
So, for the three of you who plan to show up, it'll be Saturday, April 26. I'll post more information as it becomes available.
Labels: Becoming Orthodox
posted by Sam Gamgee at
10:20 AM
2 Comments:
Wow,it is really happening fast! I am so excited for you. As soon as I read that you feel like you might be drowning, I thought...hmmm...maybe that is the point. God wants you to totally be immersed in the Spirit, to relinquish total control to Him in this mysterious sacramental event. A "more of Him, less of me" kind of thing. It is scary to totally let go and be vulnerable -- I don't think anyone but Jesus is totally capable of letting go all the time, but in the small moments when we are successful at it....those thin places when God is palpable, even beyond the comprehension that we understand through our senses, those are the points where we grow in Him by leaps and bounds beyond what we could every do in a lifetime under our own power. As John Chrysostom would say, you are "putting on Him" through baptism. I don't think we can ever really be "ready" for that, so I think your nervousness is a totally natural response to God working through you in deep, meaningful ways. Anyway, I won't ramble on any more....Again, I am so excited for you. If it was at all feasible for me to be there, I would. :) May God continue to bless you.
tg
Thanks for letting me know what it's like for you as you progress along the way to baptism. You're "de-mystifying" the Orthodox church for me...or rather, filling me in on the mystery of it all!
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