Glory to God in All Things
I sit here exhausted at the end of the second week of Great Lent. I am reminded once again that I was not designed to be constantly on the go. Or, perhaps, my current form of constantly on the go is not well-suited to me. In either case, I find I have nothing left at the end of the day, and by Saturday, I am running on a deficit. The act of going to anything feels like a chore, though when that "anything" is church, invariably I find myself glad to have gone.
Glory to God in all things.
My human frailty is set in contrast against the stamina and endurance I wish I had. I have things that need to be done that haven't been done. I have friends in other time zones and a mom feeling neglected because of my relative absence. I missed Patrick of the Mountain's wedding reception yesterday. I can only do so much. I wish I had more, but I don't, and when I'm drained, that's it. I am drained but, paradoxically, more alive than ever before.
Glory to God in all things.
This is my first Lent as an actual Orthodox Christian. Last year was a breeze. There was so much waiting for me at the end of that particular journey that the whole thing pretty much flew by. I knew this year would likely be more difficult, and it has been so far, though not in the ways one might expect. The food issue makes one more attentive to what one eats, but it is not difficult for me. Prayer, though, is a constant struggle. I find I am too fond of my bed. While the time change has not helped, I suspect I am turning that into an excuse. It matters little, though, if the result is the same.
Glory to God in all things.
Change is slow to come. Still, I find myself chafing against the things that are holding me back. I find myself coming to challenging, and perhaps crazy, solutions to deal with them. Becoming Orthodox resolved many issues for me, but it was a beginning, not an end. I will not allow myself to see it as an end, or to treat it as such. In comfort there is complacency, and in complacency, death.
Glory to God in all things.
I dare not avoid or shrink back from the mirror that is Lent. It would be easier to hide, avoid, run away. It would certainly be my natural inclination. But if I did that, then I may as well have a steak for dinner tomorrow, because the fast would be pointless. I may as well go back to the not-so-Baptist community, because in refusing this mirror, I refuse the very thing I came to Orthodoxy in search of. No, however uncomfortable it may be, I will engage this as fully as I am able. God help me!
Glory to God in all things.
I can see now that this is what I have always wanted. I knew it intellectually when I first came to the Orthodox Church, but now I know it really. Lent is meant to be a struggle, but it is most definitely a blessed struggle. These thoughts I have typed today may mark a turning point for me. Or, should I choose the easier road, they may become the words by which I condemn myself. Yet I type, because I need to remember. God help me!
Glory to God in all things.
Glory to God who allowed me to slog through so much swamp and bog and mire in search of Him, for because of these I am strong, even in my weakness. Glory to God whose irresistible tug on me has never let up, for I have found my way home. Glory to God who has never let me go, in spite of my insolence. Glory to God who never will let me go.
Glory to God in all things.
My human frailty is set in contrast against the stamina and endurance I wish I had. I have things that need to be done that haven't been done. I have friends in other time zones and a mom feeling neglected because of my relative absence. I missed Patrick of the Mountain's wedding reception yesterday. I can only do so much. I wish I had more, but I don't, and when I'm drained, that's it. I am drained but, paradoxically, more alive than ever before.
Glory to God in all things.
This is my first Lent as an actual Orthodox Christian. Last year was a breeze. There was so much waiting for me at the end of that particular journey that the whole thing pretty much flew by. I knew this year would likely be more difficult, and it has been so far, though not in the ways one might expect. The food issue makes one more attentive to what one eats, but it is not difficult for me. Prayer, though, is a constant struggle. I find I am too fond of my bed. While the time change has not helped, I suspect I am turning that into an excuse. It matters little, though, if the result is the same.
Glory to God in all things.
Change is slow to come. Still, I find myself chafing against the things that are holding me back. I find myself coming to challenging, and perhaps crazy, solutions to deal with them. Becoming Orthodox resolved many issues for me, but it was a beginning, not an end. I will not allow myself to see it as an end, or to treat it as such. In comfort there is complacency, and in complacency, death.
Glory to God in all things.
I dare not avoid or shrink back from the mirror that is Lent. It would be easier to hide, avoid, run away. It would certainly be my natural inclination. But if I did that, then I may as well have a steak for dinner tomorrow, because the fast would be pointless. I may as well go back to the not-so-Baptist community, because in refusing this mirror, I refuse the very thing I came to Orthodoxy in search of. No, however uncomfortable it may be, I will engage this as fully as I am able. God help me!
Glory to God in all things.
I can see now that this is what I have always wanted. I knew it intellectually when I first came to the Orthodox Church, but now I know it really. Lent is meant to be a struggle, but it is most definitely a blessed struggle. These thoughts I have typed today may mark a turning point for me. Or, should I choose the easier road, they may become the words by which I condemn myself. Yet I type, because I need to remember. God help me!
Glory to God in all things.
Glory to God who allowed me to slog through so much swamp and bog and mire in search of Him, for because of these I am strong, even in my weakness. Glory to God whose irresistible tug on me has never let up, for I have found my way home. Glory to God who has never let me go, in spite of my insolence. Glory to God who never will let me go.
O Lord God of hosts, blessed is the man that hopeth in Thee.
Labels: Becoming Orthodox
posted by Sam Gamgee at
4:11 PM
2 Comments:
Time to send a hug & mybe also a copy of The Hound of Heaven xxx
atta girl!!! proud of you!!
-- nathan
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